Saturday, March 7, 2009

The Rector

Credit image:

Once upon a time, my mother warned me we would have guests for supper, and that I would exceptionally have the permission to partake in the meal. She felt it necessary to add that I best be polite because the Rector was included in the lot. Rather stupidly I admit, I made an etymological association between rector and rectum, and I concluded he must necessarily be an arse. I didn't say anything to my mother so as not to grieve her, as I thought interiorly: "if we start having washouts as guests, and further if I have permission to carve up a bite with them, we are not out of the woods yet."

A stack of people showed up at around eight, and I focused on the washout in question. He didn't really look more like a washout than the rest of the guests, but I had him in my scope, and also his wife for that matter, who wasn't too unpleasant looking after all, let's be honest with some hindsight. As I didn't have permission to engage in conversation, I kept my mouth shut at the table. Towards the end of the supper, the bloke, thinking he was doing well in breaking the adult ice, loomed towards me and asked: "And you youngster, what do you want to be when you grow up???"

My, that was unexpected!! I jumped on the occasion I was waiting for since the commencement... I was planning on being a musician, which is what I did later on, and I answered that, but with the following undertones: "I won't be a rectum, pal!". Now, I felt that the bloke did not appreciate the answer, especially the tone that I had spiced it up with, and the other guests were silently awaiting a pedagogical commentary such as "that's not a job!". Lo and behold, the rector full-fledged played into my hand: "That's not a job, young man! Where is that going to lead you... musician?". As I had anticipated his answer, I retorted: "to the cemetery, just like you, but normally and given your age, a little later than you".

What a feast! Dead silence, half of the guests who couldn't stand the rector in the outside world were tittering in their desert. Without more ado, my mother offered him another helping. At the time she always made orange salad and chocolate mousse for the guests, for sake of simplicity. She addressed him with her customary demeanour: "I would be really pleased if you would help yourself to some more, if you are tempted".

Well the bloke's face had turned a color exactly like the orange salad on the table. Even as I was licking my plate, I observed him from the corner of my eye. This is when my father stepped in: "Maybe you will say goodnight like a good boy and go to bed?" Whereupon I said: "Not so fast, I will help myself to some more chocolate mousse, as soon as the rectum has had seconds!"

Since that day, I assure you, I work my etymology!! This is something Georgina never understood! It is useless she would say, like metaphysics, just the same. Jeez.


  1. Very funny I enjoyed reading that. Quite apt you thought he was a "rectum" seeing as he was behaving like a bit of an ass.

  2. I dont know to what extent this is fictionnal or real... I never asked... I'm leaning more towards the real hypothesis... lol A break from the more philosophical stuff...

  3. LOL. What a sprog! I'd never have had you at table again! Mind you, Im only jealous it wasn't me wot said it!

  4. that was hilarious.. you write brilliantly.. going to come here often..

    great blog! :)

  5. STL,

    Avatar knew how to play with words. I'm glad it's still funny after translation. Humor is the hardest thing to translate, I find.


  6. Nice play on words. It is fun when you can make a deliberate Freudian slip seem like an innocent accident.

    ~ Kristi

  7. Great story, I had a real LOL moment. I can't believe you were 8 years old. What a mind; what a mouth?

  8. I forgot, this was a friend.

  9. Kristi,

    Its not so common to be able to fit in a double-entendre. I forget which famous writer said to have style is to twist words very slightly.

    no worries, you were communicating with "Avatar" :D

  10. Bunka,
    He cooked up some good meals ;-)

  11. hahaha... a nice laugh.. so funny.. is this story real? seriously? lol

  12. I wish I could turn back time and start all over again and set out to be the darn best rectum in the world. Lovely read. Enjoyed this immensely.

  13. haha Jan, not quite sure how to construe that. Glad you enjoyed ;)

  14. Paige,
    I surmise there is some degree of truth <=)